Every year Jake and I like to lay out 1, 3, and 5 year goals. Last year we slacked a bit and didn't really engage in mush discussion except to agree we wanted to be in a new house and have a newer vehicle for him in 2009. Well, we failed miserably with both of those goals. 2009 is drawing to a close and we are still house hunting and waiting to buy a newer truck until we get the house.
Over the last week Jake has been trying to sit me down so we can discuss what our goals will be going into 2010. I have been avoiding this conversation, not because I don't want to dream big but because I am disappointed that perhaps we don't dream big enough. We know we need a new house and we are working on that. Now that there is a new tax credit we can take advantage of I feel we have to really get moving. We know we need a newer truck for Jake and to his credit he has been looking. The issue is mine is the only vehicle our little family all fits in, so I would like to remedy this situation. However, I am reticent to do so until we get another house. If we pay cash then we have that much less for a down payment, if we finance we are risking getting a good mortgage. So, the newer vehicle will need to wait. The Tacoma we have now is almost 13 years old and has not let us down yet, so I am keeping my fingers crossed it keeps on going.
Now, as to why I feel we don't dream big enough...part of our problem is us. We are very cautious with doing big, expensive things, like getting a new vehicle or taking a big trip. We are good at saving; in fact, I'll be doing an upcoming post on how much we saved this year despite all the job turmoil we have had. So what we do is save, save, save because neither of us wants to be in debt.
The problem with this is I have started to feel like we are not really living life. Yes, we have a house, vehicles that run, and a lovely child, but still, we don't really do anything. We don't have the big TV, the new cars, or big house. We don't travel, and we love to. I'm starting to wonder if we are being too conservative. Yes, it feels good to be debt free and have money in the bank, but it also feels nice to get on a plane and experience another culture.
Add to all this our ongoing debate about having another child. I will be 35 next year and am starting to feel that it is now or never. We tried for several months to have one and had no luck. Jake is up for giving it one more shot but I am not so sure. One day I am all for it and the next I can think of several good reasons to just keep our family as a threesome. Some of these reasons are selfish to be sure; I dread the thought of expanding feet (what if this time they stay a size bigger?), an even bigger chest (gah! I felt like one big walking boob), yet more changes to the structure of my body (after Siena my torso/rib area is two inches bigger than before from expanding during pregnancy), and having to go through the post-baby weight loss all over again (I was successful and at my pre-baby weight about six months after I had Siena, but then a couple years ago I had some surgeries, fell off the wagon, and now am just getting back to where I should be). I know I need to make up my mind soon. I have been using the house and vehicle excuse as my justification for continuing to put off making a firm decisions, but once those impediments are removed I will have to make a decision and stick to it. To be fair, Jake goes back and forth, too. We both feel like now is the time but we can't seem to commit even though in theory we really want to.
So, maybe this year for our goals we need to start dreaming big and making these dreams happen. We both want to live life more. The only thing that seems to be holding us back is ourselves.